Three month old butternut squash for 1000$ Bob.....

What do you get when the warehouse orders four cases of butternut squash in mid-may?

A. Nice aged Kobe squash?

B. Good doorstops for the whole summer?

C. More squash than any human can possibly use in three months?

D. Your own build at home, do it yourself walk-in cooler petri dish?

If you answered C. and D. your right for one 1000.00$

I have ran my beef dish twice as much as anything else but to no avail, I had two cases go bad. I asked for four squash in May and was sent forty per case. Thats about 160 squash, I would be orange like and Ommpa Loompa! I wonder if there is anyway I can get that pulled off my food cost, maybe tell them it was ordered for a Halloween potato gun or something.

So I have a travel writer from Gourmet magazine on the island tonight. I hope I don't get nervous and spit on her or start to swear like a ten year old or something. I would hate to use my last good squash and not get a good review.

So I may make a major food publication soon. You will all know if I do because you will hear the wails of recognition from here, I'll sound like a baby Humpback that lost it's mother or something.

I should probably get back down to the kitchen, I just needed to relax for a little while.

Have a good day.

Top O the world ma......

Well hello everyone, I hope all of you are doing good today.

Well it has officially happened, my belly has gotten so big I can lay flat on my back and type in bed.

I can see the whole keyboard and everything. It is much easier on the hands, I may have found an amazing carpal tunnle treatment. But this blog is being brought to you from a position I don't think anyone will ever want to see me in.

I do have to stick my belly out a ways to make it work but I'm sure one more year as a chef and I'll have my computer sliding up off my belly and giving me bloody lips.

That would be a funny conversation, Hey Chris, what happened to your tooth? Um, I chipped it, Oh no, how? Um, I was in a fight with a biker, Oh no, hey, was his name Dell? I don't know, why? Well you have what looks like the word Dell bruised into your lower lip..............

I'll need that foam lining stuff you use in your drawers to put on my stomach for grip.

Anyway, so I climbed my first mountain yesterday. It wasn't what I expected. So any of you who really know me know I have read almost every Louie L'amour western book, and I always had this image of a man cresting his first mountain in my head.....

Head held high, thumbs tucked into his waistband, eyes squinting in the sun, gazing into the far distance, a feeling of pride and manhood flowing through him.

Yea, not in my case, I was flailing all around, looking for my water bottle only to find it was empty, looking at the ground for a rock collecting a little dew, feeling like I was never going to make it back home to my dress collection and lipgloss.

Ahhhhh Alaska, it will weed out the real ones to the posers thats for sure, but I did compose myself enough to take a few pictures, I will try to load them and you all can see the amazing view I had.

have a good day
C

Oh man what a weird dream!!!!!!!!!

I just woke up and I remembered this dream.............

It started out with a phone call from Lynn, the island manager that my grandma Alys was coming to dinner so I jump on the back of a moped with a 7 foot tall mormon kid named Jason to drive through rush hour traffic and to a concert hall of some kind.

I started prepping dinner and another mormon girl named Andrea and a deckhand kept carrying tables past me as I was in my bedroom prepping dinner for my grandma and guests. Suddenly the island g.m. runs up and tells me it's 8:30 and I didn't have dinner ready and I run down to a catering company unloading food into my lodge with people walking in the other side. The g.m. handed me one of those really tall paper chefs hats and another to my assistant but I'm taller so when I walked around mine would fall off and Shawn my assistant looked like he was the chef. And I then looked at the tv and saw what I think was the E! network covering my grandma Alys entering my lodge, she was in a convertible sports car and she had a very cool shawl that was covering her dress and she whipped off her shawl in very dramatic fashion and under it was a very vibrant blue dress.

So the cameras are on my grandma walking into the lodge and then everyone was going through the line and I go to check the line and it's pizza, mashed potatoes with gravy pre added, pre portioned bags of Stroganoff noodles (I hate Stroganoff) and salty meatballs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats when I woke up.

Holy crap Batman!!

Alaskin summer

Hello everyone, I hope all is well in the land of warm. There are a few things I have noticed lately while living in Alaska,

1. It's not really warm, especially in the morning.

2. Alaskan construction is sort of skimpy, especially when you can sit on your bed and see outside through cracks in corners.

3. I think summer is here and gone.

4. I'm really cold right now.

Right now I am leaning toward going to Hawaii for the winter.

But with that said I am loading the photos of the sunset from last night, I hope they load. Beaming a signal 12 miles over rough water makes for tough photo blogging.

I hope it shows up, if not I will try again.

I will come back when I have something funny for you.

Later.

Melatonin and sleeping masks

a boat getting buzzed by a humpback

northwestern glcier
old ass compressed glacier ice

I think thats how you spell it. All I know is i bought some. I have not really slept in two months and it is starting to catch up to me. I'm not really that normal to start with but put the cocktail of propane (a few of my pilot lights don't light) and no sleep together and you get Chris mixed with the dude in Predator only I have more issues. I

So I was talking to Danielle and she told me to buy Melatonin, after purchasing it a spoke to my assistant chef and he said and I quote" Oh yea, thats what all Alaskans take during the summer, shit,I have two huge bottles of it upstairs, you didn't know it's almost impossible to sleep up here without it. I d should have told you I guess". unquote.

SO after I came out of my red fury to I find out I had been holding him by the throat and punching him in the neck for five minutes we both had a good laugh. So he thought, I was still holding him by the throat and punching him in the neck in the back of my head.

So I have a bottle of Melatonin on it's way. I hope it helps. I really don't mind the no sleeping thing, it was the being awake and hearing everyone else who had taken Melatonin snoring and giggling in their blissful sleep thing that really bothered me.

I also bought a sleeping mask too. I wanted a pink one with a fuzzy border around the outside like them ladies on 80's tv shows holding a poodle yelling for Richard, but they only had black ones so again I don't get to purchase exactly what I wanted.

That seems to be a trend in my life. I see something somewhere and want to buy it, I look and look but can't find exactly what it was so I settle for something close. I then see my reflection somewhere and realize I look stupid. Great, again I settle for something I didn't want.

I'm sure the pink one would look better.

I'm guessing you people out there aren't telling anyone about my blog, I was hoping my blog would take off and Bobby Flay would see it and be like," I would love to work with that funny genius" and everything in my life would be easy from there but it doesn't seem you want to share me with the world people.

So goes the cycle of those who love you holding you back, I have seen it before. My Uncle Tim is the best example.

You see, I was working for Uncle Tim during culinary school. He was very supportive of me until the day I gave him a piece of seafood sausage and from there on he never wanted me to go on to full time cooking. He wanted me to be his carpentry, sausage making cook slave. You see, I am an amazing carpenter and Uncle Tim knew he not only was going to lose any chance of ever getting that sausage again but he was going to lose the 300,000.00$ a year I made him on the twenty dollars an hour he paid me. He had a peach of a deal going for him I tell ya!!

Where can you find someone who makes that much money for you and will cook for you too?

I just really love my Uncle Tim I tell ya, he's the person who inspired me to keep being myself. Let your freak flag fly he would say to me, let your freak flag fly.

But now I am traveling the world cooking in exotic lands and making sausage for random strangers. So is the cycle of life.

With that folks I am going to leave you with a few life points to ponder and I hope if you run across Bobby Flay or Alton Brown, or anyone who can get me back to dry land for a year, or even anyone holding a Betty Crocker cookbook looking confused you will send them my way and I'll try to mold my career around them.

And Uncle Tim, again I'm sorry I had to leave you with a house payment, two car payments and all your bills but I needed to spread my wings and fly man. Fly.

Have a good day everybody.

It's likefacebook whats your birthday mean application really knows me.....

You never live your life in the way others want you to. You are an independent individual who loves challenges and excitement. You are ready to ace with the result of your decision. You are usually the one your friends count on. Your Love, Because you love excitements, you occasionally get involved in forbidden love affairs. You may fall in love with a married person and no one can stop you from making progress. You are very charming, although you might not realize it.

Except the love thing, I don't really fall in love. Especially with the married sort, maybe girls way too young for me but not married gals.